A Nesting divorce or separation occurs when parents alternate residing in the family home. Rather than requiring the children to go back and forth between two homes, the children stay put while the parents alternate being the “on-duty parent.”
While having various homes can be difficult for people in certain ways, it can also make their lives simpler in others. It’s probably far easier to keep track of their own belongings than it is to remember homework, books, sports uniforms, toys, enough underwear and socks to last a lifetime, and a variety of other “child” goods. When children have two homes, parents must not only track what goes out to the other parent’s place but also ensure that it returns—so there is essentially double the work!
Nesting stands to reason in many situations, but not all. Let’s take a closer look at nesting to help you decide whether it’s right for you.
The Nesting Trend
- The concept of a nesting divorce is a recent trend in which co-parents alternate living in the primary residence for the sake of the children.
- Nesting requires civility and friendly communication.
- Nesting can be an expensive endeavor, depending on your circumstances and financial situation.
How Does A Nesting Divorce Work?
This shift occurs when spouses either live in separate portions of the home or have an off-site dwelling that they alternate while the other spouse is “on duty.” It is a type of parenting that can be used as a shared-custody arrangement for divorced or separated couples. It began in the case of Lamont v. Lamont in 2000. A Virginia judge ruled in the case that the best solution for the two young children was for them to remain in their family home.
The mother was assigned to reside with them on weekdays, while the father moved in on weekends. This opened the door for exes who were communicative enough to prioritize the needs of their children over their own and create a stable and effective parenting environment. The arrangement is based on the child and their requirements, which does not always take into account the logistics of making this manner work.
What Financial Commitment Comes With Nesting?
When co-parents consent to the nesting arrangement, they must make a financial commitment. It is not affordable to purchase and maintain a home away from the family home. Furthermore, the distance between the two locations could be a concern, necessitating travel fees.
Co-parents may use nesting to accumulate separate funds until one of the co-parents can finance a house for themselves. Communication and amicability are important not just for the benefit of the children, but also for the ex-spouse and their prior relationship.
However, if the separate dwelling outside the family home is modest enough, the costs for the additional home will be minimal, and adding that residence may provide the desired privacy in cases when one co-parent begins dating a new partner. Nesting also reduces the need to buy items such as an extra set of clothes and fresh toys for one parent’s home. The children do not require these items because they have a place to live.
How Important Is Communication During Nesting?
According to Psychology Today, nesting only works when co-parents are capable of separating their co-parenting obligations from their past marital issues and remain amicable and cooperative with ongoing communication about the home arrangement to fulfill the requirements of the children.
The co-parents are not abandoning each other. They will still have the children in common, therefore, it may be useful to encourage clear and pleasant communication when participating in a constant discourse about the nesting family arrangement.
Getting Through Rough Patches
It will not be easy. Special requirements due to disruptions in their habit, children can frequently have troubles with the arrangement, and explaining the nesting arrangement to them can be challenging. That doesn’t even take into account the co-parenting relationship.
Given that individual histories and conflicts within relationships differ amongst partners, there are valid reasons to be furious or resentful toward an ex-spouse. Therefore, a nesting divorce isn’t for everyone. Staying friendly with an ex can frequently generate problems in subsequent relationships, which can then manifest in co-parenting partnerships.
It can be extremely difficult for people who begin nesting without purchasing a new home. Disparities in bedroom quality can be enough to keep ex-spouses at odds. Those who choose to enter by utilizing the help of family friends are naturally bringing others into the equation.
This allows others outside of the agreed agreement and arrangement to comment on different aspects of your life and the lives of your children, such as nesting and parenting. Given its invasive nature, that is not something that everyone is ready to compromise on.
It also necessitates each co-parent to rigorously adhere to the specified timetable, which has the potential to cause conflict. Life happens, and routines must often adapt to its changes, which can lead to further conflict between the two co-parents. Vacations, birthdays, and other special events must all be discussed and planned for by the two co-parents. Given how flexible co-parents who join into a nesting arrangement are for the sake of their children, this is in the same vein in terms of accommodation. The youngsters are the center of attention.
If you would like to know more about a nesting divorce and if it is the right option for you get in touch with Adria S. Hillman today.